To the Stars and Back
by x-LittleMissAlice-x
Summary: AU: Akise Aru had come every day to visit him, every day to see the one person he loved most... in an asylum. Yukise. Rating subject to rise.
1. A Thousand Years

**Summary:** AU: Akise Aru had come every day to visit him, every day to see the one person he loved most... in an asylum. Yukise. Based In a world where the events of Mirai Nikki and the future diaries only existed in Yukiteru's mind.

**Author's Note: **An idea that refused to stop jumping around in my head. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Mirai Nikki. The quote is from the game Bioshock Infinite.

* * *

_**To the Stars and Back**_

**Chapter 1 - A Thousand Years**

**Created By: x-LittleMissAlice-x**

**xXx**

_"The mind of the subject will desperately struggle to create memories where none exist..."_

_R. Lutece 1889_

**xXx**

A thousand years had passed.

A thousand years of regret. A thousand years of emptiness. A thousand years of _darkness. _

The stars, once twinkling so brightly - so _hopefully_ - in the night sky were no longer there to comfort him; they had ceased to exist when the shadows of the world engulfed the Earth, a blanket of black snuffing out the light, leaving only emptiness in the abyss. New stars could always be created, just as _they _could be recreated, but the new world would never be the same. The stars would never shine as brilliantly as before, and _they _- his friends, his family - would only be cheap imitations compared to the real thing.

His parents were dead. His friends were dead. The entire world was dead, and the deceased could not be brought back to life. Even as a God he could not do that.

So Yukiteru would not create, and he would not destroy (what was there to destroy in a world that contained nothing?). He would continue to drift forever in the emptiness as if he too were dead, simply because as a God he could not take his own life.

The passage of time was dully noted, but hours, days, months, years; none of it mattered to Yukiteru, because he was untouched by time itself. While time could not destroy him physically, each moment he spent in the frigid darkness mentally devoured his mind. By now he only had a shred of his previous sanity left.

The only two things keeping him company (and relenting the ever-prominent feeling of insanity creeping on his old, broken mind) was the small girl lying in front of him, and the flickering memories of the past tormenting him, recalled as vividly as the day they occurred.

"I never wanted to become God, you know."

The rumble of his vocal cords sounded deeper. Older. Not aged with time, but the maturity only an eternity of sorrow could bring.

"I never wanted to kill them. I was... I was a coward. I was too afraid to die. It could have been anyone. I would have _used _anyone if it meant I could stay alive, even if I didn't deserve to live."

He chuckled solemnly. It sounded broken, even to his own ears. No matter how many times he said it, the words sounded like that: broken, dejected, _lost. _Because he couldn't go back in time and change what happened, he couldn't go back and _live. _

"I had thought it was ok. I thought I could bring them back and give everyone a happy life. So why, Murmur? Why can't I bring them back?"

His companion didn't answer. Her eyes were fixed downward on the small book in her lap, flipping through the pages idly. Yukiteru forced the corner of his lips into a painful smile. "You've read that manga over a thousand times. You must be getting bored of me, since I haven't given you anything better to do."

The small girl's eyes lifted. She gazed into his dull blue eyes. "Why don't you create something, Yukiteru-kun?"

He had answered this question as many times as Murmur had read her manga, and like everything else here, his response was always the same;

"There isn't a point," he monotoned, "Not when my parents are dead. Not when I know I can never truly bring them back."

He had tried, after all. Numerous times, and each attempt ended in failure. No matter how much he wished and dreamed and imagined being with his friends and family again, it would never happen. It was impossible. A lost soul could never be brought back to the body. He may have been a God, but he still didn't have the power to fulfill the one thing he wanted most.

"...I no longer have a purpose, do I?" Yukiteru chuckled in defeat. He hadn't created anything. He was too much of a coward to end his own life (if there was such a way). He had thought about jumping worlds, starting over, just as Yuno done so long ago, but he was too much of a coward to do that. He was... pathetic. So very pathetic.

"Murmur... do you think-"

_Bang!_

The mellow, soft beating of his heart leaped in his chest at the sudden noise. What _was _that? Where was it coming from?

_Bang bang bang!_

Louder this time, more insistent. His blue eyes widened, flickering over towards Murmur with confused, furrowed brows. She was gesturing something over - something that _was not him._

A part of the endless abyss shattered into an illuminated doorway of light; the first light in centuries. Yukiteru shielded his eyes as the sudden brightness pierced the darkness. Through the gap between his fingers, a figure emerged.

A girl. Pink twin-tailed locks. Large, sparkling magenta eyes. And a sweet smile that could light up the world.

The light she brought - her smile - did little to comfort him, though. It made the empty void seem all the more darker.

"Yuno...?"

Yes, it _was _Yuno. He could never forget that deceiving innocent face, those bewitching eyes... he could never forget her true nature.

Her hands were and would always be stained in blood. She had killed people with the same smile she wore on her lips. She was a murderer, a _monster. _

His gaze lingered on her pretty face, then flickered away. His eyes slid from her shoulder, down her arm until it reached the palm of her hand. And there, gripped firmly in her fingers was an object glinting silver: A large kitchen knife.

Yukiteru froze. His body trembled involuntarily, his heart racing as he gaped at her.

He didn't know exactly how or even why, but she was going to kill him.

He had to run. He had to run!

"I-It's impossible," he choked out, stumbling back. His throat suddenly felt unnaturally dry, his windpipe constricting. Was he dreaming? Was this some nightmare? This had to be a dream! "Y-you're dead! I became God. I _watched _you die. How can you be here if you're dead!" His raw vocal cords ached; it was the first time he had raised his voice in an eternity.

She shouldn't be here, could _never _be here. Yuno was dead. _His _Yuno was dead. This had to be a different Yuno, one from another world. But how did she get here? Did she become God? Or maybe...

His eyes widened in realization. "Murmur!" Yes, she had summoned Yuno somehow. She was finally tired of him. She wanted him dead!

Deaddeadead_dead! _

Yukiteru didn't know why he was so afraid of death when he had nothing else to lose, but after fighting for his life in a battle royale he had had little chance of winning, he couldn't bring himself let his life be snatched away so easily.

'Yuno' took a small step forward; Yukiteru stumbled back. "Put the knife down!" he demanded. His voice trembled.

"But _Yukki-" _

"Don't call me that. Don't call me 'Yukki' like you're the same Yuno! You're not... You're not her. You're not Yuno!"

"But-"

"Shut up! I told you to put the damn knife down!_" _

Murmur carefully moved beside Yuno, eyeing him cautiously as she slowly lifted her hands in the air. "Please, Yukiteru-kun. Just calm down."

"Calm down? _Calm down?!" _He sounded hysterical now. How could he calm himself when his very life (however worthless or miserable it may be) was being threatened? Was Murmur _crazy?_

"You're in on this too, aren't you, Murmur! That's why Yuno is here. You were _her_ Murmur all along, weren't you?"

"Yukiteru-kun, please-"

"What world is _she _from? A third? A fourth or maybe a millionth? Is she here because I won't create anything, is that it? I can't believe you..."

Yukiteru hung his head, laughing dejectedly. "So just like everyone else you're going to betray me too. I thought I could trust you, Murmur..." he whispered and looked away.

"Yukiteru-kun, I-"

He didn't want to hear the excuses. He didn't want her to justify why she did it. He didn't want to know when she had done it, how long she had had this exact moment planned. He just wanted to live!

"_Don't lie to me!"_

He was already moving, taking another step back, but his foot froze mid-step. Where would he go? There was no where to run, no where he could hide, and he was not going to jump worlds. Wait, was this Murmur's plan all along? Was she trying to pressure him into creating something?

That had to her plan; she wanted him to make an ocean for him to swim in, then islands and continents, then forests and _people. _

He would never fall for her plans. He would never try to create human life again.

"No," he murmured, straightening his back, holding his ground. "I won't run."

His eyes shifted towards Yuno and the knife still gripped in her hands, aimed towards him. She could have what was left of this world if she wanted. It was hers now. He didn't need it anymore.

"If you want to be God of this realm so badly..." he sucked in a deep breath (perhaps one of his last), willing his racing heart to ease before he continued to speak, "...then go ahead. Do it, kill me! Put me out of my damn misery! I don't want to live in this empty world anymore!"

_"No!"_

Yukiteru jumped at the sudden familiar voice. His eyes turned back towards the light as another figure appeared in the doorway. Through the blinding beams white locks and unnaturally pale skin came into focus. His breath caught in his throat when he met a pair of vermillion eyes.

That was impossible, but... could it be...?

"Are you... Akise-kun?"

It had to be Akise. No one else looked like that. No one else smiled at him with such warmth.

"Hello, Yukiteru-kun."

...No one else said his name in such a way that made his heart raced.

This was Akise. This was Akise Aru.

In the corner of his eyes he saw Yuno quickly turn towards the albino. Her eyes flashed in irritation. "Akise Aru, go back-"

"No, Akise-kun!" Yukiteru cried as Akise lunged fearlessly towards Yuno. Startled, Yuno jumped back, her pink pig tails bouncing at the abrupt movement, but Akise was too fast.

"Put it down!" Akise ordered and smacked the back of her hand. The weapon slipped from her fingers and clattered to the ground.

The tension in his shoulders left him at the sight of the fallen knife, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. He was no longer in danger. Akise… Akise saved him.

Yes, this really was Akise... But what was he doing here? How did he get here? Why was his heart fluttering in his chest at just the sight of him?

How could Akise approach him like he had never left?

This had to be a dream; this couldn't be real because Akise was dead. Was Akise an angel sent from Heaven to help him? Was Yukiteru actually dying but hallucinating Akise in his final moments?

All these questions and more raced in Yukiteru's head the closer Akise came. There were so many unanswered questions flooding his mind he barely registered Yuno and Murmur muttering to each other.

"He recognizes Akise."

"He didn't have trouble recognizing Akise before. Perhaps it has something to do with his fantasies..."

What were they talking about? ...Fantasies?

Was this really just a dream then? Was he still God, drifting aimlessly through empty space?

Was Akise still dead?

Yukiteru's brain throbbed as he tried to make sense of it all, but there was one thing he noticed through his haze that was alarmingly odd:

Yuno wasn't trying to kill Akise.

Were they working together? They had both arrived through the same entrance... N-no! Akise had protected him from Yuno. He was there to save him, wasn't he?

But what if... this Akise was a fake? What if Yuno was using this Akise so he would let his guard down?

He couldn't risk it.

"S-stay back! Don't c-come any closer."

Despite his desperate order, Akise did not relent his approach; only continued to gaze at him, _burn _him with those intense irises of scarlet.

"P-please don't... _please_," he sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn't allow Akise to come any closer, but what could he do fend him off? Create some sort of weapon in his mind and make it a part of reality? But then he would be acting like a God, and he had vowed not to create anything. But this was his _life, _he only had one (even Gods had only one life, didn't they?) but he couldn't do it... He could never kill Akise, even if this one was a fake. He could never-

His deep, shallow breathing hitched when two warm arms wrapped around his waist.

"Yukiteru-kun," Akise breathed, his hot exhale tickling the shell of his ear. Yukiteru's legs weakened as Akise's embrace tightened, pulling him closer - desperately closer - to his chest so Yukiteru's head rested on his shoulder. His touch felt so comforting. So warm and _alive. _So much like... _Akise. _

But this wasn't the Akise he knew. Yuno was watching them - smiling! This was a trick. It had to be a trick.

"Let. Me. Go!" Yukiteru squirmed in Akise's grasp, pressing his hands against his chest - Akise's solid and warm and very much _alive _body. And it hurt rejecting his comforting touch, rejecting the familiar Akise in front of him. It hurt seeing the flash of anguish in Akise's eyes at his retaliation.

...Why? Why was Yuno doing this to him? Why was Yuno using Akise to purposefully make his chest clench to the point he felt like he could barely breathe? Why was she _hurting _him?

Finally, he pried Akise away and he used the best counter he could: his weak arms flew in a frenzy, fists pounding forcefully. He wailed on the albino when he moved too close, desperately trying to create safe distance between them. Yukiteru couldn't see what he was hitting, or where Akise was, or Akise's facial expression; his vision was blurred by his unshed tears.

"Yukiteru-kun!" His fist - his only defense - was easily stopped. Akise's hands grabbed his wrists, rendering him immobile. "Please, listen."

"N-no!" he cried, tossing his head side-to-side, still struggling against his fate. "_Please_, no! I can take Yuno killing me but not you, Akise. Anyone but you-"

"I'm not going to hurt you, Yukiteru! I _love _you!"

Yukiteru stiffened in his hold. His mouth fell open and his eyes widened in surprise.

Akise was... in love with him?

Something about the way he had said those words - the rawness of his voice; the softness of his eyes, and the glimmer of pain that swirled beneath their surfaces; a pain that could only be made by the sincerity of such an emotion - made Yukiteru believe him. His heart still raced (in a way being around Akise always made it do) but the panic steadily calmed until they were just standing there, gazing into each other's eyes.

"Please, listen," Akise repeated, softer this time. "Try to remember. You're in a hospital."

A... hospital?

Everything slowly came into focus. The darkness dissipated into white walls. The manga book Murmur read morphed into a notepad. The knife Yuno had held was now nothing more than a pen lying idly on the floor. Yuno was no longer there; instead, an anxious looking nurse stood in her place, a smaller one that had been 'Murmur' standing beside her.

What was going on?

"I-impossible. Hospitals d-don't exist anymore. The world was destroyed. It has been destroyed for over a thousand years!" His voice quivered as he spoke.

He was dreaming. He had to be dreaming.

"Yukiteru-kun, it hasn't been a thousand years." Akise said carefully. "You were institutionalized a little over three years ago - it's been a thousand days, not a thousand years."

"What are you saying? I haven't been here three entire years! I don't even remember coming here! Before I became God, I was in a battle royale between future diary holders. I saw you _die _Akise. This world isn't real!"

Yes, this world couldn't be real. This _Akise _couldn't be real. He had watched the life fade from his eyes. He had seen the blood pool around his lifeless body, had smelled the stench of death from his corpse. His body and head weren't even _attached _last he saw him_. _There was no way he could have survived that.

"Yukiteru-kun. 'Future Diaries' don't exist. They've never existed. It was all an illusion, a fantasy in your own mind."

"Why are you lying? You were there! Don't you remember your Detective's Diary?"

Akise shook his head, somewhat solemnly. "It never happened."

Yukiteru was frustrated now. "It did happen. I swear to the late _Dues ex Machina _it did!"

"Did he just say Dues ex Machina?" one of the nurses - 'Yuno' -whispered.

"If I recall correctly, it's the God of Space and Time in his mind..." said the nurse who was 'Murmur'.

They were looking at him, watching him from the other side of the room. Like... like he was a _monster. _

"S-stop it... Stop! Stop looking at me like that!" he cried. "Stop looking at me like- like I'm crazy! I'm not crazy. I'm not..." he choked, his eyes stinging as he tore his tear-filled gaze away.

Those warm arms pulled him into another embrace.

"I know, Yukiteru-kun," Akise murmured in his ear. "I know."

**xXx**

A thousand years had passed.

A thousand years of regret. A thousand years of emptiness. A thousand years of _darkness. _

But those thousand years had never happened at all...

It had only been a thousand days, and he had spent it in an asylum.

* * *

_Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you would like to see where this is going, a brief review of your thoughts would be greatly appreciated._

_That's all then. Have a lovely evening._

_xLMAx_


	2. A Thousand Days

**Author's Note: **Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews. As promised, here is your update.

Yukiteru's insanity affects many people in his life, namely Akise. Due to this fact, this chapter is in Akise's point of view and will show what _really _happened while Yukiteru was hallucinating. If you like this set-up (flip-flopping between Akise and Yukiteru's POV every other chapter) please let me know and I will continue doing so. If not, I suppose you can read this as a filler of sorts. Nevertheless, I sincerely hope you enjoy.

**Warning**: Angst ensues.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Mirai Nikki.

* * *

_**To the Stars and Back**_

**Chapter 2 – A Thousand Days**

**Created By: x-LittleMissAlice-x**

**xXx**_  
"The burden of loving someone so unconditionally is a heavy one."_

_Unknown_

**xXx**

A thousand days had passed.

A thousand days of watching. A thousand days of longing. A thousand days of _hurting…_

And now finally, after all this time – after being forced apart for over three excruciatingly long years - Yukiteru (_his _Yukiteru) was in his arms again.

"I'm not crazy," the asylum patient insisted. "I'm not…"

"I know, Yukiteru-kun," Akise murmured in his love's ear soothingly. "I know."

Yukiteru felt so thin, so fragile as he rubbed the boy's back reassuringly until he gradually relaxed against him, but Yukiteru's body still trembled beneath his touch in gentle quakes. His love's shaky fingers curled and tightly clasped onto Akise's white button up shirt as he desperately clung onto him – as he desperately clung onto _reality. _Akise held Yukiteru just as tightly, wishing, willing the boy's mind to stay.

_Finally,_ Yukiteru saw him again. For months now he had wanted the boy's attention. Akise had tried everything he knew from every psychology book he had ever read, had done everything in his power to bring out the old Yukiteru - to speak with him if only a moment while trapped in his fantasies; and now that he was back Akise never wanted to let him go.

"I'm scared, Akise-kun," Yukiteru whispered, his voice a soft and small muffle against his chest. He buried his head further, as if to hide away from the world… far, _far_ away from the world Yukiteru did not know, the world he could not remember… "I'm so scared."

"It's… it's alright," Akise murmured reassuringly, faltering a little.

He called his name. He knew it was him, but he… he didn't remember what had happened in this world. Yukiteru likely didn't remember anything (Why else would Yukiteru continue to use the honorific '-kun' when he spoke to him?).

This new information made Akise's heart ache. Despite hesitating, he continued to gently stroke the boy's raven locks for the first time in months. His tangled hair was much longer now, extending down to the boy's waist, and it looked wild and unruly (they hadn't cut Yukiteru's hair since his admission a little over three years ago. The doctors didn't want to risk carrying scissors near a mentally ill patient, even if Yukiteru wasn't sick – because he _wasn't, _Akise tried to convince himself. Yukiteru wasn't crazy, just… confused). Even so, Akise stilled loved Yukiteru's hair. Akise still loved _him. _

"You know I will never betray you, right? I will be here, even if you don't see me. I will always be by your side."

If Yukiteru left him again, he had to at least know that. No matter how much time passed, he would never abandon Yukiteru. Akise would never leave Yukiteru behind like _he _had.

"Akise-kun…?" Yukiteru asked quietly and shyly pulled away enough for those big blue eyes to stare into his own. Relief flooded through Akise at the sight of them. They were no longer dull and broken. Finally, they had lightened, if only a little. Hope swelled in Akise. There was a chance he could get Yukiteru back.

"Yes, Yukiteru-kun," Akise prompted, genuine happiness bubbling inside him, washing away the earlier pain in his chest. "Ask anything."

Akise would do anything to see Yukiteru smile again, just for Yukiteru to call his name, even if he did refer to him as an acquaintance or distant friend when they were so much more. He would do anything for Yukiteru. Anything at all.

"Why does it sound like… you're saying goodbye?"

Akise's stomach dropped at the sullen tone and continued to drop further when he glanced over Yukiteru's shoulder. The head doctor was watching him with her keen eyes, nodding towards him. He knew what that gesture meant and he knew what he had to do – it was what Akise had agreed to in return for seeing Yukiteru.

But how could Akise do it, especially right after he had promised never to betray him? What if Yukiteru never forgave him? What if Yukiteru forgot everything when he came back to him?

"Yukiteru-kun," Akise sighed, cradling his head to his shoulder. He brushed the boy's long hair from his neck, the guilt growing inside him as he whispered his next words:

"This isn't goodbye… only goodnight."

Yukiteru stiffened in his embrace. "Akise-kun, what do you-"

Yukiteru didn't have a chance to finish his sentence. Akise had pulled the syringe from his sleeve in a moments notice and stuck it skillfully into the boy's neck. Lightly pressing on the end of the instrument, the drug released into his blood stream. Seconds later Yukiteru began to sway, his eyes drooping closed before he collapsed against him.

"Aki…se…" was the last thing he heard Yukiteru whisper before he stopped moving.

"Please," Akise whispered to anyone who had the power to hear: to Yukiteru if he still had a string of consciousness, to God or even Dues ex Machina himself if he existed – Akise didn't care who listened, so long as they could fulfill his one wish…

"When you open your eyes again, please don't forget me."

**xXx**

"It's been two days, Dr. Nishijima. I need to talk to him."

"Aru, you can't talk to someone who isn't awake yet. Yukiteru hasn't slept at this facility in weeks. He needs all the rest he can get if he has any hope of recovering."

"I know that, but…"

Akise's voice trailed, dread building inside him.

He needed to speak with Yukiteru if only a moment. He needed to know if Yukiteru recognized him again, if he remembered what he had done and forgave him. He needed to be near Yukiteru. Even if he wasn't awake he needed to be by his side, to be the first one he saw when he opened his eyes, because if he wasn't… he may never get him back.

"Aru, don't forget your rest too. When was the last time you slept?"

"How can I sleep when I know he's _here? _He doesn't deserve this. You saw him yesterday. Yukiteru is fine. He not only recognized me, but he could clearly see where he really was. He has his consciousness back. Now let him go before he really does go mad from being locked up in his place."

He wasn't being rational. Akise knew that, but he desperately wanted to take Yukiteru home. The boy had thought he had spent over a thousand years in nearly complete isolation (which wasn't too far from the truth). That feeling in itself would cause anyone a psychotic break. Yukiteru needed comfort. He needed to see his family. He needed to go _home. _

"What I saw yesterday…" Dr. Nishijima began, rearranging a stack of files on her office desk, "was a boy who could have been on the verge of killing you – on the verge of killing _all _of us."

"Don't say that!" Akise exclaimed, slamming his fist down on her desk with a loud _smack! _Dr. Nishijima paused briefly and stared at him with wide eyes, startled by his outburst. Realizing what he had done Akise buried his rage and muttered a quick apology, uncurling his fingers.

"Yukiteru isn't a killer. He's… He's innocent," Akise whispered, tearing his gaze away.

He could feel Dr. Nishijima's eyes studying him, evaluating him, questioning whether he had gone mad (or at least, in _her _eyes) enough to be hospitalized too. Akise almost wished she would create a file for him. Maybe then he could always be by Yukiteru's side.

A heavy silence lingered between them before Dr. Nishijima resumed her paperwork once again.

"He may not be an actual killer, but Amano seems to think otherwise and that's all that matters. Thoughts are powerful enough that with enough convincing they can become our new reality. You have heard him in our sessions. He truly believes he has killed people, and that others have died because of him."

"But now he knows he didn't kill anyone. He realizes he's in a hospital now."

"Traumatizing memories can't just disappear, even if they never occurred. These thoughts of death have been vivid reoccurrences for three years now. It will take some time for him to recover."

"And he will recover faster if I am by his side."

"You will do not such thing. Aru, do you know Descartes' philosophy? 'I think, therefore I am.' Yukiteru thinks he is a killer. Considering that, he will be treated as one by not having any visitors. You know he is capable of killing someone too. As I said: he isn't stable."

"You said he's not even awake yet so you don't know that. He could wake up feeling just fine, and even if he's not, he won't hurt me."

Dr. Nishijima sighed heavily.

"He has hurt you once before. Don't tell me you've forgotten already."

The Doctor's amethyst eye drifted toward the scarlet scarf around Akise's neck. Akise's pale fingers tugged at it self-consciously; a habit he had grown accustomed to when he was nervous.

"It's… it's fine. That was just… an accident."

Dr. Nishijima arched a brow at that.

"An accident? Don't lie to yourself, Aru. You know he is capable of being a killer. I know you saw it too."

And Akise _did _see it, even though he didn't want to admit it. It had only been a few moments, but that look… every time he closed his eyes he saw it, and it haunted him.

**oOoOo**

_The glass…_

_Like so many times before all Akise could do was watch him behind a glass; an invisible wall separating the two of them; a two-way mirror keeping Akise out of sight; a cell keeping Yukiteru in isolation, keeping Yukiteru away from _him.

"_I never wanted to become God, you know…"_

_He was a broken record. Over and over and over again he would mutter those same words; line by line as if memorizing a script, and each time he did so the luster his gaze once contained faded further._

_Those once beautiful, bright irises filled with so much warmth and promise were now dull. Dead. Broken. _

_And each time he saw them from behind the glass, Akise's heart felt heavy. Crushed. Broken. _

_Akise could not deny the fact any longer: Yukiteru was dying in this place. He had to be. _

_It wasn't just his eyes that made him think this. The once healthy glow of Yukiteru's sun kissed skin now looked pale and his limbs unhealthily thin as he sat on the white tile floor. He was always jumpy, unconsciously performing skittish gestures like scratching the back of his neck or darting his eyes nervously around a room. He always appeared so frightened, so miserable…_

_When was the last time he had seen Yukiteru smile? It had been so long. Akise wished he could remember what it looked like. _

"_I never wanted to kill them, but I had thought it was ok. I thought I could bring them back and give everyone a happy life…"_

'Yukiteru, you haven't killed anyone. Please come back to reality. I'm here. It's alright, I'm here for you. Just please come back to me.'

"_Murmur, you've read that manga over a thousand times…"_

'That isn't a manga Yukiteru. That is Dr. Nishijima writing down your psychosis. Why can't you see that? It's right in front of you. Please, just pretend you see it so you can leave this place. If you keep saying these things she will put you on stronger medication. Please, Yukiteru.'

"_I no longer have a purpose, do I?"_

'Don't say that. You have a life waiting for you; a life with your family, a life with me… We are all waiting for you to recover. I have waited for you for over three years. Don't give up now. Don't leave me behind.'

_Despite his silent pleading and despite his patient waiting, Yukiteru could never see the reality that was in front of him…_

_Until now._

Bang bang bang!

_No one had ever dared to knock on the door before, the one that separated him and Yukiteru. It was new. The nurse who stood by his side was new. She must not have known it was against the rules._

_Dr. Nishijima must have forgotten as well (she was not one to usually pay attention to rules anyway) because she motioned the girl towards her. There was a pen in the palm of the girl's hand. While writing Dr. Nishijima must have run out of ink. _

_If she had, Akise had not noticed. He was too busy watching Yukiteru. He was always watching Yukiteru, for any briefest signs he sensed at least a sliver of reality._

_Upon her gesture, the nurse carefully walked in. Yukiteru's head perked up at her presence. Akise could not hear him, it was so quiet, but he could have sworn he whispered a name: 'Yuno'._

_His usual calm, dejected demeanor shifted into wild panic as he jumped to his feet at the new intruder. _

_Yukiteru's next words startled him._

_"Y-you're dead! I became God. I __watched __you die. How can you be here if you're dead!"_

_He sounded so… certain. How far gone was he?_

"_But Yuki-"_

_Just as the nurse started calling his name, perhaps in some attempt to bring him back to a calmer state, Yukiteru cut her off. He must have thought she was using a nickname instead._

"_Don't call me that. Don't call me 'Yukki' like you're the same Yuno! You're not... You're not her. You're not Yuno!"_

"_But-"_

_Any attempt to talk some sense into him was ignored. _

_"Shut up! I told you to put the damn knife down!__" _

'Did he say… Knife?'

_He must have been hallucinating that the pen was a knife. That was why he was so distressed. If someone told Yukiteru the nurse was really carrying a pen, would he believe them?_

_Apparently not. He wouldn't even listen. Despite Dr. Nishijima's insistence on calming down Yukiteru only managed to spiral further into hysteria._

_"If you want to be God of this realm so badly then go ahead. Do it, kill me! Put me out of my damn misery! I don't want to live in this empty world anymore!"_

_At that moment true fear flooded through Akise's entire being; Fear of losing Yukiteru for good, fear of never being able to see him, fear of the one person he loved slipping through his fingers... _Again.

_Would he do something drastic? Would Yukiteru… kill himself? Could he?_

_Akise didn't want to think about the possibilities. Without a second thought, he finally opened the door that had kept their two worlds divided for so long._

"_No!"_

_He stumbled in the room, and then Yukiteru's eyes were focused on him._

_Akise didn't know what Yukiteru envisioned him as in his mind. Did he take on the appearance of an enemy? An ally? Did he see him at all?_

_For once Yukiteru's expression was completely unreadable. Dark but somehow blank. Passive. It was only for the briefest moment, but they looked like the eyes of a true merciless killer; cold, unpredictable, and… dead._

_Akise directed all the love and warmth he had ever felt for Yukiteru in his gaze, hoping to get through to him in some way, and his efforts were rewarded. As if snapping out of a trance Yukiteru blinked several times before widening his eyes in bewilderment and disbelief, other emotions flitting across his face that Akise could easily decipher. There was confusion, panic, fear, but above all else: hesitation._

"_Akise Aru," he heard the younger nurse replied to him sternly, a hint of warning in her tone. He was not supposed to be in this room; she knew at least that. But Akise was close… so, so close to Yukiteru._

_Akise knew then, even if he was breaking the rules, he had to prove himself, and he would do that by protecting Yukiteru from the very thing that currently threatened him most. _

_Had it been a knife, an axe or anything more threatening than a mere pen, Akise would not have reacted any differently. Although there was not a real threat in this situation, had it been more serious Akise still would have thrown himself in harms way, without hesitating for even a moment, if it meant protecting Yukiteru._

_The nurse jumped and her dark pigtails bounced at his sudden lunge, but he easily knocked the pen out of her hand. The nurse was so stunned she stood there frozen several moments after the pen clattered to the ground._

_Finally, when Akise looked towards Yukiteru once again, his expression became one of relief._

"_Akise-kun…?"_

_Akise's heart swelled with joy, Yukiteru's previous unnerving look briefly forgotten. _

_Yukiteru was alright, Yukiteru was safe, Yukiteru knew who he was. _

_Nothing else mattered._

**oOoOo**

Recognition.

That was all Akise needed to fuel his motivation after so long. He would see Yukiteru again, no matter what.

Dr. Nishijima was having second thoughts.

"He's unstable, Aru. We can't risk it."

She sounded exasperated, but Akise refused to back down.

"But he recognized me. There's still hope that he could…"

"Be normal again?" she asked doubtfully. "Aru… you know he's delusional. For three years now he has been trapped in a dream world. At this rate…"

She did not have to say her next words. Akise already knew. He had heard them several times before, and each reminder did not make the news any less painful.

"Aru, I know you care about him dearly but… how many more times can you take telling him you love him only for him to forget?"

"As many times as it takes," Akise replied, just as he had all the other times they had brought up this conversation, but his response wasn't as firm anymore. A piece of himself died each time Yukiteru slipped away from him. He couldn't take much more of this…

But he would continue to push himself. For Yukiteru.

"Just a few minutes," Akise insisted. "Please. You may even supervise. I just need to be with him."

The doctor sighed heavily before she rummaged through a nearby counter, handing him a filled syringe. Akise hesitated.

"You know this is protocol, Aru. If you want to be anywhere near him, you must to have this on you."

Akise stared at the instrument guiltily. "Do you think… Yukiteru hates me for what I did to him?" Akise whispered, fear gripping his heart. "Yukiteru means everything to me."

"I know," the Doctor stated, placing the syringe in the palm in his hand. "So it is your duty to make sure he doesn't do anything he will regret. He would never forgive himself if he hurt someone else, especially if that person was you, Aru. You have to protect him, and this is how you're doing it."

Reluctantly, Akise curled his fingers around the glinting instrument.

"I understand…"

**xXx**

Even now, tucked tightly in the thin white sheets of his hospital bed, looking sickly boney and pale, Yukiteru was so beautiful.

Akise always knew he was. He had always adored his beauty and intellect and innocence. But when he was asleep, even though three entire years had passed, he could clearly see Yukiteru's boyish features still remained. Looking at peace made him appear younger somehow, as if he had not aged despite all the time that had passed.

He clasped Yukiteru's hand gently, and it felt small and lithe beneath his touch; so delicate and frail. But he was not cold. He was warm. He had life.

Akise could feel that life as he caressed his love's cheek, memorizing his older features, imagining how Yukiteru would look when he was completely healthy again, without the dark circles under his eyes or hollowed cheeks. He would look simply radiant then. Maybe, if he was lucky, Yukiteru would smile for him.

Yes, how long had it been since he had last seen Yukiteru smile? How much longer would he have to wait until he could see it again?

It didn't matter how long he had to wait. He loved Yukiteru. He would spend an eternity content just gazing at him, just holding his hand as he was now, so long as he still held that warmth, so long as Yukiteru still had life…

He would wait for as long as it was necessary and be there for Yukiteru the moment he opened his eyes again.

He had waited a thousand days already. If it meant he could stay by Yukiteru's side, he would gladly wait a thousand more.

* * *

_I apologize for the late update. School has been keeping me busy as of late and it has been quite a while since I have written anything. Hopefully this was up to your standards._

_**Reviews Until Next Update: **__15 Reviews_

_That's all then. Have a lovely evening._

_xLMAx_


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